made of stone

moving from not-being-in-love-anymore to something a bit more, well, hate-filled and spiteful. there's been very few people in my life that i have completely fallen out with to the point of never wanting to see them again (and wanting to bestow bloody violence on them), but the subject of the following definitely falls into that category. which is a great shame, because he gave me a chance and a sense of direction when i had no idea what i wanted to do (or more specifically not knowing what i was good at), but went and spoilt it all by acting like a complete cock and - to this day - remains the only person i have ever violently threatened while holding a full bottle of wine. i'm sure he's very proud...

A Wall With Your Name

Irresolute and necessary,
Strong and firm
Yet dull to view.
Steadfast, splendid
And oh so solid -
Hard as stone, through and through.

Angular ridges lack all grace
But let us view your ugly face.
I pray one day, you'll fall to pieces
And crumble neatly into place.

Nought but a rock in this hard place,
Damned if you do. Dead if you don't.
Unreliable in crisis,
You could never keep me afloat.

Incorrigible in all your standards,
Your muteness a rare treat.
Give me the chance to show my mettle -
The wrecking ball lying at my feet...


July 1992

walls come tumbling down

not wanting to dwell on such hateful matters for too long, i'll wrap this one up with a truly bitter view on an individual from the past. looking at it now, almost fresh from 10 years of being hidden from view in my file-of-perpetual-ignorance, it's a bit too teen-angst for my liking (being 26 when i wrote it), but it's fair to say that i was really pissed off with him at the time.

You Walked Backwards With Me

All too lucid images of your all too selfish mind
Say that greed is happiness. You start to tempt your fate.
In trying too hard to endure the images you find
You wallow in the darkest hole you've found yourself of late.
You've truly seen me from behind -
My cloven hoof. Your natural state.

When you turned your face to see the devil in your midst
You'd lost the overwhelming urge to sanctify your soul
But how were you to know how little your soul would be missed?
How I laughed when you realised you'd finally lost control.
You'll ask How did it come to this?
You'll remember. Willingly sold.

You'll laugh, time and time again, and say you're justified
Devoting all your energy towards your final goal.
But remember how a part of you drifted away and died,
Never to return again? You'll find that it's your soul.
It pleases me to see you cry.
Now you're finally alone

Remember me when all your thoughts are buried in the past
And you try hard to reconcile decisions you once made
Nobody ever once forced you to take me by the hand
And tempt you there into my bed, a lifetime now betrayed.
They'll laugh and say it will never last
They're wrong, my willing slave...


August 1996